What I needed

Kevin and I had a joke we used to tell people if they asked us if we wanted anymore children. We would tell them when Merrick turned three we would decide if we were going to get a ferret or have a baby. And the way things were going, the ferret was winning.

I bring up this little joke because, my third child, second son turned one on Thursday. This was such a bittersweet milestone to hit. No more babies...just toddlers and children from here. Then eventually children and teenagers...and then...you get the idea.

It never ceases to amaze how fast a year can go. To me, it was only yesterday, I came home after spending Father's day with my father with a headache. I thought the travel and studying I was doing was just getting to me. The GRE test was only two weeks away and the stress alone could cause a headache and much worse. Come Thursday after my return from New Jersey though, I had a realization that would change everything...

My period was due...and it didn't come. Maybe it was due within days...but somehow, I just knew. I knew it wasn't coming. That night, I asked Kevin what he would think if I told him my period was due, but it wasn't coming. Kevin answered, "I would say I'm excited because it means we are having another baby." This answered shocked me because Kevin wasn't exactly comfortable with having a third. Having a third meant there was a 50% chance we were going to have another boy. Since Merrick already stressed the heck out of Kevin, I doubted he was really excited over a third.

Then it hit me that Kevin probably thought I was being my normal hypochondriac self and that my period was just late. He was just trying to make me feel better.

Don't get me wrong. I admit, I was worried at the time. I also was thinking to myself..."Oh ..., what am I going to do with a third child? Merrick is a nut, can I handle a third child? I have the GRE in two weeks...how am I going to pass with all this nausea and I need to study, but I can't." So many other emotions were going through me.

I don't want to say I didn't want another child. I knew I wanted another child. At the time, I knew a ton of people that were pregnant and expecting their second, even third child. I felt baby fever creeping up on me, but I just figured it wasn't meant to be.

Finally, I took that test. It was a Sunday afternoon (I couldn't wait until the morning to take the test). My period was barely a week late and the line was a bright maroon. I couldn't help but smile. It was then, I knew that this was what I wanted. I left the test on the bathroom sink. Then I went swimming with Kevin and the kids.

After swimming, Kevin changed and I expected after we changed he would see the test. He came into the kitchen and I said "Well?"

And he was like "Well what?"

"Did you see it?" I asked.

"see what?"

"The test."

"You took one?"

"Yes"

"What did it say?"

"Why don't you go look..."

He went back to the bathroom, came back and said "Damn, your fertile."

The rest as they say is history. So the ferret lost the baby vs. ferret debate. No ferrets until Tori is eight. But we gained arguably the sweetest, happiest, cutest baby ever (I'm biased). As a friend said about her third child "I'm crazy in love with this baby." He's still a cue ball...therefore he's still my baby.

Stefan may not have been an expected baby in our life...but I think he was what we needed. He's completed this family more than I can imagine. Tori loves him like crazy. Merrick...well he loves him, but more importantly he's gained a partner in crime for the future. I got to have one last baby and Kevin...well while Stefan wasn't the girl he wanted, he's at least showing that he's a little calmer than Merrick. Therefore, it's been easier for Kevin to deal with Stefan. Besides, Kevin loves kids. He's a wonderful dad and he's loved having a baby in the house as much as me.

So happy birthday my Stefan, aka Bubsey, aka 'The baby'. You'll always be the baby in this house and you truly bring a smile to everyone that comes into contact with you. I love you! xxoo.

Working through homesickness

On Sunday, Tori and Kevin went out for a bit without telling me where they were going. Apparently, they went on a mission. They were successful because when they got back they called me into the garage to see what they got.

It was my Valentine's gift.

They got me two flowers to plant in the front or back yard (I'm going for front cause they are just too pretty to plant in the back). One of the plants was a pink gerber daisy. I planted these in pots in my front yard. I love them because they tend to keep growing throughout the summer and part of fall. The only exception to this is when one of the kids rips off the flowers before they can pollinate. It was so nice to see this flower, but the sight of it made me sad (Sorry Kevin). This is because for a while, I've been dealing with a delayed case of homesickness.

While Kevin, Tori, and Merrick seem to have adjusted with no problems. Kevin, who was usually the anti social one, goes on bike rides with coworkers and has done a few sporting events with groups. I seem to be finding it hard to plant my roots here. It's probably for the best, I'm not in Virginia anymore. And a few things have happened recently to show me what I SHOULD NOT do here. Hopefully, I can take my own advice.

On Valentine's Day, I sent Tori to school without a coat. In Arizona, this shouldn't be such a surprise or big deal. However, in the mornings, it can be very cold. The temperature rises about 30 degrees throughout the day. Still, I usually send Tori to school in her coat because she's always whining how cold she is. This particular day, however, I walked outside and realized it was nearly 50 already. To me, this meant it would possible reach 70 by lunchtime, meaning a coat was not necessary.

When I went to pick up Merrick from school, I saw it was snowing in the mountains. The wind was also making it feel pretty cold. Merrick and I settled in inside for lunch. After lunch, I don't know what drew my attention out the window, but I noticed it was raining. There was something I needed to get from the backyard, so I went out back. Now my eyes are pretty bad nowadays. Three babies and various other issues will do that to you. I thought I saw something strange in the rain, but I chalked it up to bad eyesight. It was when I finally got outside and saw stuff falling on my shirt that I realized maybe my eyesight wasn't as bad as I thought it was.

It was snowing.

And it wasn't just a winter mix kind of snow. It eventually started just coming down in full flakes and all. It wasn't sticking, but it was snowing nonetheless. I thought I would have been like "What the heck?" but instead I found myself giddy and happy to see the snow. It was just what I needed to see during this time. Just a slight reminder of home.

My biggest issue is my Sims social bar is seriously low. I've combated this joining a moms group and I just started clogging again. Just these things take a while. Also add in household illnesses and I don't always get to go out when I want to go out. Luckily, I got to go out today and it made me feel a lot better being around people.

Rome wasn't built in a day and me feeling this way isn't going to go away tomorrow. Everything is so new and different here. But at least there will be pink gerber daisies in my yard this summer to remind me that I'm here. And while my garden isn't what it used to be, I can work with it.

I can work through it...