What I needed

Kevin and I had a joke we used to tell people if they asked us if we wanted anymore children. We would tell them when Merrick turned three we would decide if we were going to get a ferret or have a baby. And the way things were going, the ferret was winning.

I bring up this little joke because, my third child, second son turned one on Thursday. This was such a bittersweet milestone to hit. No more babies...just toddlers and children from here. Then eventually children and teenagers...and then...you get the idea.

It never ceases to amaze how fast a year can go. To me, it was only yesterday, I came home after spending Father's day with my father with a headache. I thought the travel and studying I was doing was just getting to me. The GRE test was only two weeks away and the stress alone could cause a headache and much worse. Come Thursday after my return from New Jersey though, I had a realization that would change everything...

My period was due...and it didn't come. Maybe it was due within days...but somehow, I just knew. I knew it wasn't coming. That night, I asked Kevin what he would think if I told him my period was due, but it wasn't coming. Kevin answered, "I would say I'm excited because it means we are having another baby." This answered shocked me because Kevin wasn't exactly comfortable with having a third. Having a third meant there was a 50% chance we were going to have another boy. Since Merrick already stressed the heck out of Kevin, I doubted he was really excited over a third.

Then it hit me that Kevin probably thought I was being my normal hypochondriac self and that my period was just late. He was just trying to make me feel better.

Don't get me wrong. I admit, I was worried at the time. I also was thinking to myself..."Oh ..., what am I going to do with a third child? Merrick is a nut, can I handle a third child? I have the GRE in two weeks...how am I going to pass with all this nausea and I need to study, but I can't." So many other emotions were going through me.

I don't want to say I didn't want another child. I knew I wanted another child. At the time, I knew a ton of people that were pregnant and expecting their second, even third child. I felt baby fever creeping up on me, but I just figured it wasn't meant to be.

Finally, I took that test. It was a Sunday afternoon (I couldn't wait until the morning to take the test). My period was barely a week late and the line was a bright maroon. I couldn't help but smile. It was then, I knew that this was what I wanted. I left the test on the bathroom sink. Then I went swimming with Kevin and the kids.

After swimming, Kevin changed and I expected after we changed he would see the test. He came into the kitchen and I said "Well?"

And he was like "Well what?"

"Did you see it?" I asked.

"see what?"

"The test."

"You took one?"

"Yes"

"What did it say?"

"Why don't you go look..."

He went back to the bathroom, came back and said "Damn, your fertile."

The rest as they say is history. So the ferret lost the baby vs. ferret debate. No ferrets until Tori is eight. But we gained arguably the sweetest, happiest, cutest baby ever (I'm biased). As a friend said about her third child "I'm crazy in love with this baby." He's still a cue ball...therefore he's still my baby.

Stefan may not have been an expected baby in our life...but I think he was what we needed. He's completed this family more than I can imagine. Tori loves him like crazy. Merrick...well he loves him, but more importantly he's gained a partner in crime for the future. I got to have one last baby and Kevin...well while Stefan wasn't the girl he wanted, he's at least showing that he's a little calmer than Merrick. Therefore, it's been easier for Kevin to deal with Stefan. Besides, Kevin loves kids. He's a wonderful dad and he's loved having a baby in the house as much as me.

So happy birthday my Stefan, aka Bubsey, aka 'The baby'. You'll always be the baby in this house and you truly bring a smile to everyone that comes into contact with you. I love you! xxoo.